"...he was left unto himself"

Moses 1:9

 And the ^apresence of God withdrew from Moses, that his ^bglorywas not upon Moses; and Moses was left unto himself. And as he was left unto himself, he ^cfell unto the earth.


There are times in our lives when we are "left unto ourselves".  It is not due to sin or our own faults but it is because we need the time to think, to ponder, and to grow.  We need to find our passions and ourselves.  

I am "left unto myself".

Tonight, I find my thoughts turn to you:

The boy who I once loved,
 
the boy who I once left.

Never did I imagine that leaving you would bring about the most miraculous event of my life.

In leaving you,  I found myself.


I prayed for you every night.

I longed to hear from you, even to hear just one sentence, but I knew that we needed to travel our separate roads.


And in returning,  I found you.

No longer a boy but a man.

Love Letter

I found this love letter and it really touched me.  I have been thinking so much lately about the power influence that love has over people.  I believe that love has the power to change all people.  I believe that this is why God loves so unconditionally, because he knows it is the best way to change, to heal, to cultivate, and to help one progress.  I believe in love.  I have felt it and know of its power.  

“My wife got sick.  She was constantly nervous because of problems at work, personal life, her failures and problems with children. 

She has lost 30 pounds and weighed about 90 pounds in her 35 years. She got very skinny, and was constantly crying. She was not a happy woman. She had suffered from continuing headaches, heart pain and jammed nerves in her back and ribs.

She did not sleep well, falling asleep only in the morning and got tired very quickly during the day. Our relationship was on the verge of break up. 

Her beauty was leaving her somewhere, she had bags under her eyes, she was poking her head, and stopped taking care of herself. She refused to shoot the films and rejected any role. 

I lost hope and thought that we’ll get divorced soon…But then I decided to act on it. 
After all I’ve got the most beautiful woman on the earth. 

She is the idol of more than half of men and women on earth, and I was the one allowed to fall asleep next to her and to hug her shoulders.

I began to pamper her with flowers, kisses and compliments. I surprised her and pleased her every minute. I gave her lots of gifts and lived just for her. I spoke in public only about her. I incorporated all themes in her direction. I praised her in front of her own and our mutual friends.

You won’t believe it, but she blossomed. She became even better than before. She gained weight, was no longer nervous and she loved me even more than ever. I had no clue that she CAN love that much. And then I realized one thing: The woman is the reflection of her man. If you love her to the point of madness, she will become it.“              

Home Is Whenever I'm With You

"But I can be alone without Yoko, but I just have no wish to be. There’s no reason on earth why I should be alone without Yoko. There’s nothing more important than our relationship, nothing. And we dig being together all the time. Both of us could survive apart but what for? I’m not going to sacrifice love, real love for any whore or any friend or any business, because in the end you’re alone at night and neither of us want to be. I’ve been through it all and nothing works better than to have someone you love hold you.” 

        -John Lennon

Walking in Circles

"Without visible landmarks, human beings tend to walk in circles.  Without spiritual landmarks, mankind wanders as well. Without the word of God, we walk in circles." -Elder Uchtdorf

I may not be sure about a lot of things, I may have questions, even the occasional doubt, but I do know this is true.  

We are given guidance through the scriptures, through sheer obedience.  Often, I dont fully comprehend why I must be obedient, why I must follow certain rules or commandments, but I do know this, that the humble and meek will inherit the kingdom of heaven, the pure in heart will see the face of God.  Even when we dont understand way we must be obedient, we must remember to be as a child, meek and submissive to his will.  It is when we do this that we cease to walk in circles and begin to walk forward, towards a loving God, a loving Father, a father who see's our full potential and gives us these commandments so that we can reach that potential.

To my mother:

Last mothers day I spoke to you on the phone....

this mothers day, I have you here in hawaii!

I love you, I am grateful for you, I adore you!

"To love another is to see the face of God."

There are many things which I believe.  I believe that life is a journey. I believe in God.  I believe that we are all here on this earth being tested, that we are here to prove to God that we can be obedient.   I also believe that there is more to this test than just proof of obedience.

I believe in something a more universal aspect of this journey (wether one has a belief in god or not, this applies to us all), I believe that part of the reason as to why we are here is to learn how to be with  and interact with other people.  

Everyday, we come in contact with people, some we know, some we don't, some we like, many we dislike.  Our goal is to overcome ourselves and  to learn how to have relationships with other people, to learn how to love, to share, to give.  We must learn how to cope with those who we would not normally want to be apart of.  We must learn how to be kind to those we find intolerable.  We must  overcome our own pride and insecurities so that we can see the good in others and even learn from them.  

The moments in my life when I have felt closest to God have been when I have forgotten myself and done all I could for another person.  When we begin to love another, when we humble ourselves and become selfless for another person, that is the moment where we become the most like God.  

So instead of judging another, smile at them, love them, try to see them with God's eyes, or with the eyes of a loving parent.  If you have been wronged, forgive them and remember that life is too short to go on with animosity and stress towards another individual.  Love is all we need, we all long to feel it, to know that someone out there cares for us, so let us love, let us show it in our actions, let us prove to be genuine, kind human beings.  Let bring forth a positive energy into the world.

Thales

Its been 15 years, since I've seen his face, felt his touch, smelt his smell.  I cant believe it, 15 years.  I have found that with the years I begin to remember less the day and I start to remember more the memories.  Today I felt horrible because I forgot almost till the last light of day that it was THE day...but then I realized, I think that is what he wants for me, for all of us.  To not remember the event of April 18, 1998 but all the events that occured before it.  So here are my memories of a man who I knew for such a short time but will love for the rest of my life.

I remember taco trucks and spanish, he always wanted us to learn and I am so grateful to the Lord for giving all of us a chance to do so by serving spanish speaking missions.  He loved the hispanic people and culture.

I remember the music!  TexMex music, Mana, Tom Petty, The Doors, The Cars, The Eagles, ACDC, he loved it all!

I remember road trips to mexico, I remember road trips all around the country, in the 9 seater van, with the two front rows out so we could play and the mini potty so we didn't have to stop.  I remember stopping at the historical spots on the side of the roads.  I remember him filming always, I am so grateful for those videos.

I remember him loving John Steinbeck's books and waning us to be able to have adventures in our lives, I think I need to embrace that, to have more of them.  I remember him being a cop, a trucker, and an incredible teacher.  I remember going to school with him and seeing how much those students loved him.

I remember him taking me to my school and staying for an hour to chat it up with Mrs. Hoffman.  I remember him picking me and David up from school, well, stopping the bus in the middle of the route (he and the bus driver were good friends, he was friends with everyone) so we could be on time to watch the start of Wishbone and eat our popcorn shrimp with ketchup.

I remember him building a pitching mound just so Matty and I could practice pitching to him...everyday.

I remember him building a track for the motorcycles.  I remember him teaching me how to ride and taking me on rides on the canal.  I remember him doing wheelies with me on the bike...terrifying yet i never felt scared with him.

I remember going to the army surplus store with him, picking out army clothes, dog tags, and
machetes with our names engraved on them.

I remember working with him in the yard, fixing sprinklers, tearing out the wild rose bushes in the front yard, fixing water pipes.

I remember him putting up the slider(a steel rope from one oak tree to another in our yard) and the army net so we could play.  I remember him digging a hole for the built in trampoline.

I remember chest punches, getting in his fort only so he could fart on us, watching Selena for family home evening, I remember saturday mornings building forts and making newspaper bats and fighting each other.

I remember him loving my mom, not letting us sit next to her on sunday cause he wanted to.  I remember him holding her always.

Dad loved to play!  He worked hard and played hard.    I am grateful to him because he taught me how to do just that, to work and to play, he taught me what was of most importance, family!  That relationship is irreplaceable.  He did all he could to make sure his family was taken care of, had the best and felt loved.  I am grateful to my dad, Thales.  I am grateful to my mother, for her strength and love, she is the sweetest, meekest, and yet strongest woman I have ever met.  I am grateful to my siblings, for taking care of me, for loving me, for allowing me to be apart of them.  And I am grateful to God, for allowing us to learn from our struggles and allowing us to grow stronger and be more refined and polished.  FOr helping us stay strong and united as a family.
 
Like my mom always says, "Its not the trials we face that make us who we are but the way with which we face them".

masks

Dont wait.

Power within

I think a lot...

Sometimes, i think so much that my thoughts get all confused in other thoughts, which then get
confused into more thoughts and then, well, i just get all confused.  So, before that happens, I want to write this thought down.

So often, I regard myself as just a spec in this wonderous world.  However, tonight it occurred to me, that I am so much more, my purpose is so much greater than that, than just being a spec.  Every person I come in contact with, I can potentially change.  I have the ability to help, to change, to love, to give, to share.  I think of the people who I have met, and every person I have ever known has played a role on the person I have become, whether it be for better or for worse, subconsciously or consciously.

We are not just specs.  We are powerful.  We hold power in every word we speak, in the way we do it, in our actions and in the love we share.  We have the power to bring about a great change in others, we cannot waste it.  It is for this that we are here, to support one another in life's journey, to uplift.
 
I heard a woman once say that, 'the world needs sweet women, women strong enough to be sweet in this tough society."

The world needs men and women strong enough to be sweet, to rise above the hardness of the world and change it, to recognize the power they have to do good and help others, and then to utilize it.