I'd like to think I'm the mess you'd wear with pride

Why Not?

"O my brethren, if ye could be healed by merely casting about your eyes that ye might be healed, would ye not behold quickly, or would ye rather harden your hearts in unbelief, and be slothful, that ye would not cast about your eyes, that ye might perish?"

Alma 33:21

why not look a little deeper, why not pray a little harder, search a little longer, and listen a little more?

Pascal's Wager

I've been thinking a lot about Pascal's wager. A lot about how hard it is to believe in something that isnt right in front of you believing in something that seems irrational. Pascal basically says that it is in our best interest to believe in God because the rewards of living an obedient life are far greater than those of not. i spent a lot of my life believing in and living Pascal's wager.

There was a moment about 5 months ago, when i came to realize that this theory that I was living by was no longer a wager, I was living something that I believed in. I prayed and prayed, I left things, people, hawaii, my home, which I loved, and I decided to dedicate 18 months of my life to go on a mission. It is all because i knew that believing in God was very much rational. I knew that the book of mormon was true, i knew that God was listening to my prayers, therefore there was no way i could go on living as if God was "maybe" real. I could not deny it any longer and i knew that if i continued to put off what i believed I would become unhappy.

It took me hoping that God was there and living like he was there to truly realize that he IS there..

Being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, you come to realize that two things are essential, that is faith and humility. It takes faith to trust in God when you don't know and humility to seek him out, to pray and to listen.

Grapevine Fires


Somedays, I wake up and I think to myself, "man i wish I coulda' done better, I wish i was a better example, stronger, more obedient, more humble and more patient. I wish I had been sweeter and more giving, more loving and more fun" I guess now is the time to do all of those things, to be all of those things. To accept the things that happened and fix myself to be better.

I hope they call me on a mission, oh wait, they did


Well it is now official, I am going on a mission. I have been called to serve in the Washington DC South Mission, Spanish speaking. I report to the MTC June 1. I cannot explain the roller-coaster of emotions I have had in the last 5 months. I left hawaii, my home since I was 17 to come back to Modesto, a place where the constant reminders of tragedy and hardship have occurred. Why did I leave hawaii, because I knew I needed to change, I knew I needed something more in my life, I needed happiness. I found that in the atonement of jesus christ, I found that in the love and support of my family, I found it in the scriptures and in prayer. I know that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is true, I know that Joseph Smith was a prophet of God called to restore this church, and I know that President Monson is a true prophet today, who receives modern revelation. I know that anything is possible through prayer. I love this gospel and look forward to sharing it with those, like I was, who are in need, searching, hoping for something better.
What is a good friend? I grew up in a home where the most important thing was the relationships that you create in life, and I used to think i was a really good friend and with relationships in general.

My dad always used to say "I cherish relationships and know of their value and if all the success I have is the love of these people than it is enough."



I've made a lot of mistakes in the past when it comes to friendships and relationships. I have taken people for granted, I have been selfish, I have not been open or trusting. A lot of these mistakes come with the complexities within myself. I have spent most of life trying to learn how to trust people and how to let them in without being fearful of them abandoning me.
It is time for a change, I love my friends and those who I have spent time with so much, irregardless of how i once treated them, I hope that they know i care. And I am going to be better.
Just a side note for me to remember:

I gave all I had, I was open and wanted it to last.
I was told no. I was told to leave. I wasnt good enough.
Priorities were different from what they should have been.
I was always waiting, waiting for a call.
Don't blame me

Winter Winds

As the winter winds litter London with lonely hearts
Oh the warmth in your eyes swept me into your arms
Was it love or fear of the cold that led us through the night?
For every kiss your beauty trumped my doubt

And my head told my heart
"Let love grow"
But my heart told my head
"This time no
This time no"

We'll be washed and buried one day my girl
And the time we were given will be left for the world
The flesh that lived and loved will be eaten by plague
So let the memories be good for those who stay

And my head told my heart
"Let love grow"
But my heart told my head
"This time no"
Yes, my heart told my head
"This time no
This time no"

Oh the shame that sent me off from the God that I once loved
Was the same that sent me into your arms
Oh and pestilence is won when you are lost and I am gone
And no hope, no hope will overcome

And if your strife strikes at your sleep
Remember spring swaps snow for leaves
You'll be happy and wholesome again
When the city clears and sun ascends

And my head told my heart
"Let love grow"
But my heart told my head
"This time no"

And my head told my heart
"Let love grow"
But my heart told my head
"This time no
This time no"
ONE MORE...brings back bittersweet memories, still love it

Good Stuff

I've been listening to this band since last December and just continue to fall in love with their sound.



And this....I dont know why, but i love her

General Conference

"'Healing blessings come in many ways, each suited to our individual needs, as known to him who loves us best. Sometimes the healing cures our illness or lifts our burdens, but sometimes we are healed by being given strength, or understanding or patience to bear the burdens placed upon us.' All that will come may be clasped in the arms of Jesus. All souls can be healed by his power all pain can be soothed, in him we can find rest unto our souls. Our mortal circumstances may not immediately change but our pain, worry, suffering, and fear can be swallowed up in his peace and healing balm."



We are often faced with struggles and trials, through the Savior these trials can be eleveated. Rely on the savior, know him, love him, and you will find peace in times of trial.