I'd like to think I'm the mess you'd wear with pride

Thales




Its been 15 years, since I've seen his face, felt his touch, smelt his smell.  I cant believe it, 15 years.  I have found that with the years I begin to remember less the day and I start to remember more the memories.  Today I felt horrible because I forgot almost till the last light of day that it was THE day...but then I realized, I think that is what he wants for me, for all of us.  To not remember the event of April 18, 1998 but all the events that occured before it.  So here are my memories of a man who I knew for such a short time but will love for the rest of my life.

I remember taco trucks and spanish, he always wanted us to learn and I am so grateful to the Lord for giving all of us a chance to do so by serving spanish speaking missions.  He loved the hispanic people and culture.

I remember the music!  TexMex music, Mana, Tom Petty, The Doors, The Cars, The Eagles, ACDC, he loved it all!

I remember road trips to mexico, I remember road trips all around the country, in the 9 seater van, with the two front rows out so we could play and the mini potty so we didn't have to stop.  I remember stopping at the historical spots on the side of the roads.  I remember him filming always, I am so grateful for those videos.

I remember him loving John Steinbeck's books and waning us to be able to have adventures in our lives, I think I need to embrace that, to have more of them.  I remember him being a cop, a trucker, and an incredible teacher.  I remember going to school with him and seeing how much those students loved him.

I remember him taking me to my school and staying for an hour to chat it up with Mrs. Hoffman.  I remember him picking me and David up from school, well, stopping the bus in the middle of the route (he and the bus driver were good friends, he was friends with everyone) so we could be on time to watch the start of Wishbone and eat our popcorn shrimp with ketchup.

I remember him building a pitching mound just so Matty and I could practice pitching to him...everyday.

I remember him building a track for the motorcycles.  I remember him teaching me how to ride and taking me on rides on the canal.  I remember him doing wheelies with me on the bike...terrifying yet i never felt scared with him.

I remember going to the army surplus store with him, picking out army clothes, dog tags, and
machetes with our names engraved on them.

I remember working with him in the yard, fixing sprinklers, tearing out the wild rose bushes in the front yard, fixing water pipes.

I remember him putting up the slider(a steel rope from one oak tree to another in our yard) and the army net so we could play.  I remember him digging a hole for the built in trampoline.

I remember chest punches, getting in his fort only so he could fart on us, watching Selena for family home evening, I remember saturday mornings building forts and making newspaper bats and fighting each other.

I remember him loving my mom, not letting us sit next to her on sunday cause he wanted to.  I remember him holding her always.

Dad loved to play!  He worked hard and played hard.    I am grateful to him because he taught me how to do just that, to work and to play, he taught me what was of most importance, family!  That relationship is irreplaceable.  He did all he could to make sure his family was taken care of, had the best and felt loved.  I am grateful to my dad, Thales.  I am grateful to my mother, for her strength and love, she is the sweetest, meekest, and yet strongest woman I have ever met.  I am grateful to my siblings, for taking care of me, for loving me, for allowing me to be apart of them.  And I am grateful to God, for allowing us to learn from our struggles and allowing us to grow stronger and be more refined and polished.  FOr helping us stay strong and united as a family.
 
Like my mom always says, "Its not the trials we face that make us who we are but the way with which we face them".




Power within

I think a lot...

Sometimes, i think so much that my thoughts get all confused in other thoughts, which then get
confused into more thoughts and then, well, i just get all confused.  So, before that happens, I want to write this thought down.

So often, I regard myself as just a spec in this wonderous world.  However, tonight it occurred to me, that I am so much more, my purpose is so much greater than that, than just being a spec.  Every person I come in contact with, I can potentially change.  I have the ability to help, to change, to love, to give, to share.  I think of the people who I have met, and every person I have ever known has played a role on the person I have become, whether it be for better or for worse, subconsciously or consciously.

We are not just specs.  We are powerful.  We hold power in every word we speak, in the way we do it, in our actions and in the love we share.  We have the power to bring about a great change in others, we cannot waste it.  It is for this that we are here, to support one another in life's journey, to uplift.
 
I heard a woman once say that, 'the world needs sweet women, women strong enough to be sweet in this tough society."

The world needs men and women strong enough to be sweet, to rise above the hardness of the world and change it, to recognize the power they have to do good and help others, and then to utilize it.


no matter how many places we go, things we see and people we meet, we only end up longing for one thing.
                                                              Each other. 

If you forget me

I want you to know

one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine. 

Love

I was asked to speak today in church on eternal marriage and something as I was speaking just hit me so hard, that we must follow the example of the Savior's love.  We must give love as he gives love, unconditionally. No matter how hard it is, how hurt you were, how many trials get in your way...forget yourself and love.  Love is an unconditional thing, and cannot nor should it ever be conditionally given.  Just love.

John 15:13
"for greater love hath no man than this than that he lay down his life for a friend"  

Lay down your life, your selfishness and personal desires for your best friend, your spouse and find true joy.  



Walking

Tonight, after work, I was walking home and decided to take a detour.  So I took my shoes off and began to walk, from campus, to the ocean.

I don't know what it is but since coming back to hawaii, back home, I have felt this desire to never take it for granted, to not waste a second, to enjoy the beauty of it all.

As I was walking on the beach towards my house, I began to look at the stars and I just felt overwhelmed, overwhelmed with gratitude.  I do not know what I did to deserve this, who am I to be so blessed, but I am blessed.  I am living the most beautiful life.  I have a wonderful family, incredible friends, and peace of mind.   I know why I am here,  I find comfort in knowing that God is aware of me, in every moment of everyday and knowing that as long as I strive to do his will, he will place me where I need to be.

I am grateful.



I have come to a conclusion over the last 2 years and that is, that the Beatles were right, all we really do need is love.

When you think about it, our whole goal for this life and forever is to become like god, a god who loved us so much that he gave his only begotten son so that we could receive eternal life, a god who forgives us constantly, a god who in return only asks that we follow him, that we love him, and that we love one another.


"to love another is to see the face of god".

He asks us to love, so that we can become like him.  So that we can put aside ourselves, for once, and focus on that which is more important, on others.  So that we can learn to give and to share. He wants us to love so that we can grow, so that we can turn to another and trust in them, confide in them, give all of ourselves to them.  And so that we can in turn take that trust and love which has been given to us and cultivate it, strengthen it, allow it to grow.

I want that in my life,
I want to love another with all my heart.
I want to share with my best friend all my thoughts, feelings, fears,
all the things which bring me joy and all the things which bring me sadness,
I want to be able to give all my trust and all my care to him.  I want to love him.
I want to always put him first, and I want to see him smile everyday.  I want him to feel the love i have for him and the excitement i feel for him everyday.  I do not want to let a day pass by where he doesn't know how i feel. 

And I want to feel that in return.

Its something that we all want and something that we all deserve, to be loved and to love.