Time is winding down. Im nervous, scared and excited. I've never made a commitment like this (at least not one of this magnitude) and frankly the fact that I am leaving what i want and still have to do behind is adding to my feelings of nervousness and making me more scared. The unknown has a tendency to scare me and i have done a good job of avoiding it, haha. See, I love my life the way it is, I have so much that I could be doing, school, making money, enjoying being selfish while I still can (i know that one sounds immature, ha).
But I know that despite all my worries and anxiety, this is what I am supposed to do. I know I am suppose to serve a mission. I have been given so much from God and now I need to do all that I can for him and for those who are in need of the joy that he has given me, of the comfort that he has provided me.
I sometimes feel like Alma the younger, just in that I experienced a moment of being born again, as we all must, and like Alma, I felt that "My soul hath been redeemed from the gall of bitterness and bonds of iniquity. I was in the darkest abyss; but now, i behold the marvelous light of God. My soul was racked with eternal torment; but I am snatched, and my soul is pained no more."(Mosiah 27:29)
I remember the moment I chose to go on a mission, it was back in december 2010. I was sad, lonely, and unsure my life at the time. I decided in that moment that I needed to pray, so for the first time, in probably months, I got down on my knees and I prayed. I read my patriarchal blessing and I knew in that moment, that I had to leave Hawaii (the only place i ever felt like i was home).
When I prayed, I prayed for comfort and for a knowledge of what I should do. I felt for the first time that there was someone listening to me, someone who knew me and what I needed. I felt a warmth in my body and comfort in my heart. And I felt prompted to read my patriarchal blessing. From there, I was guided to follow the admonition given to Nephi in the Book of Mormon. To go and do as the lord commands.
So I left, and now I am going, faithfully, to serve a loving God, who gave his only begotten son, so that people like me could know what feels like to really stand up.
Here I am standing and ready to walk, however many miles the Lord needs me to and however many miles those in need of the gospel need me too. Because they deserve it.
